I have no idea how to start this post. I just need/want to share what God has taught me, what is on my heart. I write this with great trepidation because it seems prideful of me to share and yet….how can I hide what God is doing in my life? I feel my life is so insignificant and yet I am reminded again and again that God loves me and He designed me with a purpose. And I am significant in His eyes. I am His beloved, chosen daughter!! (that isn’t easy for me to accept!!)
I want to be significant. I want to know that I am significant, important, to those around me, that I am making a difference in this world. Yet……that isn’t how I should be measuring my significance. I have been attempting to read the daily devotional “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers. I say attempting because it challenges me in ways that make me feel unworthy of any relationship with God. (I AM unworthy but because of His grace and salvation He has given me this gift of a relationship with Him.) I will read a day or two and feel so overwhelmed by what I am reading that I have to set it down until I’ve processed the truths in its pages. One day I read about the ministry of the unnoticed. Uh….I LIKE to be noticed. I like to be acknowledged for the work I have done. I want to know it’s important…….yeah….. Back to the devotional. I want to share the whole devotional with you.The Ministry of the Unnoticed. Blessed are the poor in spirit….(Matthew 5:3) The New Testament notices things that do not seem worthy of notice by our standards. “Blessed are the poor in spirit….” This literally means, “blessed are the paupers.” Paupers are remarkably commonplace! The preaching of today tends to point out a person’s strength of will or the beauty of his character–things that are easily noticed. The statement we so often hear, “make a decision for Jesus Christ,” places the emphasis on something our Lord never trusted. He never asks us to decide for Him, but to yield to Him—something very different. At the foundation of Jesus Christ’s kingdom is the genuine loveliness of those who are commonplace. I am truly blessed in my poverty. If I have no strength of will and nature without worth or excellence, then Jesus says to me, “Blessed are you, because it is through your poverty that you can enter My kingdom.” I cannot enter His kingdom by virtue of my goodness–I can only enter it as an absolute pauper.
The true character of the loveliness that speaks for God is always unnoticed by the one possessing that quality. Conscience influence is prideful and unchristian. If I wonder if am being of any use to God, I instantly lose the beauty and the freshness of the touch of the Lord. “He who believes in Me … out of his heart will flow rivers of living water” (John 7:38). And if I examine the outflow, I lose the touch of the Lord.
Who are the people who have influenced us most? Certainly not the ones who thought they did, but those who did not have even the slightest idea that they were influencing us. In the Christian life, godly influence is never conscious of itself. If we are conscious of our influence, it ceases to have the genuine loveliness which is characteristic of the touch of Jesus. We always know when Jesus is at work because He produces in the commonplace something that is inspiring.” (My Utmost for His Highest. Oswald Chambers. Edited by James Reimann, August 21. copyrighted 1992.)
Even as I write this, I am falling short because I wonder what impact, if any, this will have.
Purpose. These last few years have been difficult for me, working in what has been, for a long time, a very hostile environment. It’s during this time that God has shown me so much, grown me so much. There were days, months, that going to work was an action only undertaken because I needed the job. Every time I prayed to leave God would tell me to stay, that He has something more for me to learn.
I kept telling Him that I wasn’t the one with the issues, it was my co-workers who had issues. Why wasn’t God working on them instead of working to change me?!?! God reminded me that He is only interested in Me and definitely NOT in the ways I feel that others need to change. And seeing as He is interested in me and my growth as a Christian, He is molding me into the person He has designed me to be. Let me tell you, He has a large amount of molding to do in this woman’s life. This prideful, controlling, fallen woman’s life.
He kept asking me: Who am I doing my job for? Who am I living my life for? Am I doing my job at work to please my co-workers or to please God? Whose standard am I living my life to? He gave me 1 Corinthians 10:31: So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (NIV)
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do…..means ALL that I do, all that I say. The mundane, every day things that seem so….so…commonplace and ordinary.
Do it all for the glory of God…..doing all that I do for the glory of God.
So, what is my purpose on in this life? My purpose in life is to glorify God in ALL that I say and do.
Recently, my work environment has changed. No, I’m still working at the same place and the co-workers are still the same people, but it’s me who has changed….not anything else. I daily go in to work asking God to work through me, to give me the strength I need to get my job done and to do it in a way that glorifies Him. There are days, weeks, I forget this, and try to go at it alone. These times don’t work out so well! I get bogged down in the “normalcy” of life and forget that there is a purpose in this for me and I start to wallow in self-pity and doubt, negative thoughts and all that goes with thoughts like this……..And then God reminds me what my purpose is and how He fulfills it in the common and the mundane. He orchestrates ways of showing me that I do indeed matter to Him and He is using me to make a difference. And I’m slowly getting the fact that when I feel the most unable to glorify Him that He is truly shining through me.
He never stops loving me. He never stops growing me. It’s not about me. It has never been about me but rather what He has done with this prideful and controlling, battered and worn child He calls His own.